


i didn't know i loved you and wasted so many years

by danipreathtrash



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-06-26 23:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19778239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danipreathtrash/pseuds/danipreathtrash
Summary: Christen thinks she's going to be forever alone because the one she loves will probably never like her back. (which is totally impossible)Tobin thinks she loves someone but she doesn't understand herself.'what's meant to be will always find a way.'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably going to be a short one! probably 3/4 chapters. Tell me what you think!

Christen is a little hesitant as she moves down the aisle of the wedding hall.

This was to be where her last ex’s wedding is to be held and he had invited her, amiss all the heartbreak and goodbyes. It’s been five years. And Christen is actually so grateful that he invited her to his wedding, that they were still amicable with each other.

Wait hold up right there. No. Christen didn’t cheat. She just did one horrible thing that she realized too late. That she was in love with her best friend. Always did. But never knew.

_Well until ten years ago. When I was a young and hyper sixteen year old that turned bitter thanks to it._ Bitter since Sweet sixteen. Ironic.

‘Hey Chris! Glad you could make it!’ Christen hears Jacques yell from the other side.

‘Oh hey! Hi! Is this Sammy? Congratulations!’ Christen shakes her ex’s fiance’s hand and tries to muster as big as a grin as possible, her mind still filled with self-deprecation.

‘Yes! Sammy, this is Christen.’ Jacques gestured to Christen and the girls exchange swift smiles. Christen was surprised by her friendliness.

‘Hi! I heard so much about you! Thank you for leaving J for me.’ Sammy even approaches to hug her.

Christen didn’t know the answer to that so she gives a hopefully pleased smile back at her as they walk down the church hall.

‘So, the reception is held there with a couple of our close friends! Feel free to mix about. We are probably just missing one person and the ceremony should begin.’ Jacques points at a foyer area at the side crowded with people.

As Christen moves over, no matter how she tells herself she’s in an event now, her mind is still annoyed about how the last conversation with her best friend went, honestly in the last few days. It was so frustrating. There was somehow always this period every now and then, where Christen would fall right back into anxiety. ‘ _There’s no reason for you to be chatting with her all day.’ ‘You’re just using Best Friends as an excuse.’ ‘She’s going to find you weird again.’_

There was just this uncontrollable pain of the inability to say those three words, even after all this time.

And probably the worst thing of everything is that _she doesn’t know if she has a chance._ Her best friend is in a very serious relationship right now, with a mutual friend of theirs that she actually introduced her six years ago, which was probably the stupidest thing she ever did in her entire life. _They’re probably going to get married like them soon, because of your cowardly dumbass._

She took one look at the waiter nearby who was holding a plate of cocktail and she drowned it in one go, putting it back down in the shocked worker’s hands as she strutted over to her seat and plopped down. _I’m gonna be alone forever._

Her phone suddenly pings but she ignores it as the emcee takes the stage and the light dims. _Only one person that I really want to receive a message from anyway and she’s probably sleeping at Jersey right now._

As Sammy walks in with her beautiful couture white gown, tears unexpectedly rolls down her eyes as she sees Jacques (actually) practically bawling at the front, speaking explictly how much he really loves her. Christen chokes a little, laughing, thinking about how he probably wouldn’t ever be that in love with Jacques and she’s really glad that she made this decision, to let this man that had loved her so much to truly find someone that would love him truly, not like the halfheartedness she gave him. _Not that she meant it. If only I saved him a few years of misery though._

Her mind flows to the woman with brunette hair and brown eyes that she probably will never marry, although she wants to. She smiles and wonders if she will ever get out of this misery.

\--------------------------------

Christen was walking out of the church hall alone when she realized that someone was calling her. _Kelley?_

‘Hi? What’s the matter?’ Christen asked, dumbfounded, as she beeps her car open and she slips into it, slinging her coat to the passenger’s seat as she turns on the engine.

‘YO! WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU! TOBIN SAID YOU HAVEN’T RESPONDED FOR A WHILE!’ Kelley yells so loudly that Christen has to cringe a little before responding. Christen got startled by the mention of Tobin but she thought she knew she was going to be unresponsive for a while. ‘Settle down! I’m okay! I just got out of Jacques’ wedding.’

‘What! I thought you weren’t going! Oh my god Em! Stop tickling me!’ Kelley asks, and Christen could hear some scuffling in the background, probably from the duo in the background having their habitual fist-fights.

‘He still invited me after everything, so of course I had to go. Plus, it’s not like we ended on a bad note, we still stayed friends.’

‘Dude, you broke his fucking heart man. Like right when he was about to propose. I’m surprised no one killed you at the wedding or something, you are alive right?’

‘Don’t be so dramatic Kells… I thought we were past this. We are fine! They looked so in love I cried okay. It was a mutually beneficial decision.’

Christen could hear Kelley stifle in a chortle before continuing. ‘Yeah right. Probably only him. Hey, do you wanna reply Tobin? I was just calling just in case you did something drastic, especially after some news.’

‘What news?’ Christen put her phone on loudspeaker as she quickly went to her messages, finding an unread message from Tobin.

‘There was a proposal, Chris.’

\-------------------------------------------------

NO. No. nooooooo. 


_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Oh my god._

‘Chris?’ Christen gave no response as she hung up on Kelley and banged her head against the steering wheel. _Fuck my life. I don’t want to open the message. I bet that was the message I received while I was in the ceremony, she probably got fucked until late at night that’s why she was still awake. Fuck. I’m not ready for this. Even after fucking five years of reality._

_Okay that was a lot of cursing. Breathe. Maybe it isn’t? No who are you kidding._

Christen held her breath and tapped on the message.

**Tobs:** Hey, are you free? I need to talk to you.

_It’s been 2 hours, I wonder if she’s still awake._

**Chris:** Hey. Just got out of the wedding.

Christen quickly put her phone to the side of the car and decided to just head home, turning at the steering wheel. But it didn’t take long before a ping sounded.

And Christen already knew who it was. But she didn’t want to know, just yet. So she drives on.

\-----------------------------

Tobin is feeling a little frustrated. She’s been trying to Christen but for some reason she hasn’t been listening.

She looks at the ring at her tabletop and sighs.

She sees the shrewn clothes on the floor that her girlfriend, probably ex now, left yesterday. She screwed up so bad. And she knew it was all her fault.

She thought she was happy. Happy with Rena. After the long six years. Somehow she wasn’t.

_‘Tobin. Can you picture us waking up to this sun every morning?’ Rena had said yesterday night, after she flew over to celebrate the end of Tobin’s season._

_They hardly see each other every year, in little bursts of time, but they kept in contact, each initiating to find each other at their respective homes. Tobin was happy, holding the younger girl’s hand in her palm as she looked over at the sky beside._

_Tobin wavered. She looked over at her, but somehow she felt herself falter. This smile that she usually loved to see just couldn’t register in her mind anymore._

_‘Tobin?’ Tobin felt guilty, she saw the look on Rena’s face, the look of confidence, of love for her, but deep down, Tobin knew, this was not the love she wanted._

_So when Rena handed out a ring, one that Tobin told her that she planned to get, a cartier ring, Tobin looked down, and she couldn’t reply her. The silence was much too long and Rena got the hint._

_Tobin didn’t say anything when she saw her start tearing up, raising her fingers to brush the tears away only to have them swiped away. She sat there, silent, as Rena threw the box across the room, and got off the bed. She stood there as Rena grabbed at her clothes and threw them in her luggage and ran out of her apartment, with a ‘DON’T FUCKING CONTACT ME ANYMORE!’_

_Tobin only moved when she saw a message appear on the screen,_

**Loser from Stanford:** happy sleeping hope you had a great date! I knew rena was coming to surprise you! I’m heading into Jacques now, after your much needed persuasion… you win.

_She frowned, her heart tingling, as she felt the first of tears coming down as she finally realized what she had done and can’t undo._

**Tobs:** Hey, you free? I need to talk to you.

_And Tobin went to pick up the ring, that lay on the ground and placed it on her table._

_She opened up her message app and seeing that she wasn’t replying yet and probably wouldn’t for a while, she opens another chat._

So she’s now, sitting, crafting a response to Rena while awaiting Christen’s reply, not knowing that Rena was ranting to Kelley who was just about to tell Christen.

**Don’t:** Hey Rena. I’m sorry.

She retypes, cancelling everything.

_What is she supposed to say, w_ _hen she doesn’t even know why she did that?_

Tobin lies down, opening Christen's chat, finally seeing the three dots bubbling.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey im on a roll today! 2 chapters in one go!   
> hope ya'll are enjoying this! tell me what you think!

When Christen reached home, she had 3 missed calls from Kelley and Alex was sitting on her couch, passed out with a bottle of wine on the floor, already staining the carpet of Christen’s beloved carpet that she brought from her childhood home. Alex better thank the Gods that Christen and her sisters already soiled the carpet so often when they were young from all the baking and food spilling and food wars that Christen hardly batted an eye on the scene that unfolded before her.

Alex cheekily opens one eye and winked at Christen. She was clearly drunk.

‘Heyyyyyyy Christennn. How you doin’ ?’ Christen rolled her eyes and pushed her very much out-of-self friend to the side as she sat down and grabbed the wine bottle off the floor, shaking it a little and started dunking sips down when she realized there was some left. ‘Whoa hey sTOOPPPP. ThAt’s disssgussstingg. It’s beeeeen on the floooor for a whileeeeee, Chrissssss.’

‘Yeah and what are you going to do about that?’ Christen winked back, fuelling her friend’s ‘flirting’ . ‘What are you even doing her, lex?’

Christen was kind of used to this Alex’s antics, especially lately when she’s been out of a very toxic on-off relationship with Servando. Something definitely happened. _We’re just very sad friends._ Christen chuckled.

‘Wellllll I think you know very well whAt! I didn’t waant to draggg myself oveR, but Kelley said you had to be accompanied so I cameee. Am I a good friend or what?’ Alex slurred.

‘How much did you drink? You usually get this drunk when you are on your third day. Please Lex don’t tell me.’ Christen went over and sniffed at her friend’s tank and _Oh my god the smell._

‘Lex god! Did you bathe?’ Christen choked, dragging her friend up and rushing her over to the bathroom, preparing the bath for her.

‘Hey! I’m not disgussting okay! I wAas in my sweatpAnts! I did nOT go out until today OKAY! And I cAame just for you!’ Alex placed her arms on Christen’s shoulders and shook her, rather violently. ‘NOW tell me WHAT happened!’

Christen rolled her eyes, putting in one of her lavender bath bombs and swatting her way out of the bathroom. ‘Yeah right, when you’re sober and cleansed missy. I’m FINE!’ She proceeded to lock the brunette in the bathroom, resulting in very much coherent and frantic yells for escape, which only made Christen roll her eyes again.

But Christen knew of her friend’s good-heartedness. Alex was her LAFC teammate and she has always been there for her after she knew what went down with Christen and Tobin. She never pushed her to tell her feelings, but she knew the days where Christen’s moods got particularly horrible because of Tobin telling her about dates or of her spending time with Tobin, only for her to leave back to Portland. She’ll make sure that Christen had her necessities, which is a yoga mat, some scented candles, chocolate and a session of Games of Thrones or Friends. Especially with her going through this dumb shit with Servando, because of his playing issues with Orlando and then now LAFC, which almost led to Alex wanting to go to Lyon again to take a breather. Christen knew Alex stayed because of her.

‘Hey Lex, you in the bath yet? Got you the new 48k Gold Mask. Go try it.’ Christen slips the mask pack underneath the door and she heard footsteps paddling out. ‘Thanks Chrissy!’ She’s definitely not sober yet but she’s a dork and Christen appreciated her intention.

Christen then proceeded to place the wine bottle on the kitchen table, grabbing a glass before proceeding to look through her phone.

**5 missed calls.**

**2 from StantheKellsBitches** (this name obviously made up by Kelley because she thought it was a good pun)

**3 from Tobs**

**1 voicemail from Tobs**

Christen purses her lips, dragging her finger over the voicemail but not daring to touch it. _Fuck it check the message._

**Tobs:** hey.

**Tobs:** I know this is sudden but I think I fucked up.

**Tobs:** reaally reaaaally badly.

**Tobs:** Can I call you please?

Christen is now confused. _She fucked up? Why?_ Suddenly she sees three dots flash across the screen.

It flickers, then stops. Then flickers, then stops. Repeat.

_I probably should listen to her voicemail first._

She presses play.

‘ _Chris. Hey. Please call me. Rena proposed and I fucked up. I screwed up big time. Call me when you’re free? Sorry if I’m disturbing….(long pause) I know how you love your alone time. I love you, call me.’_

_She fucked up the proposal? Does this mean she’s not engaged? Like I fucking thought she was? Fuck oh my god, I ignored her selfishly because of that. Poor Tobin. Nooo._

She quickly dials her number, only to hear Rena’s voice. ‘Hey Christen? You looking for Tobin? She’s off buying coffee for us right now. Do you have a message? I can pass it to her.’

_Wait what? What is happening?_

‘Uh oh hi Rena! How are you doing? I thought Tobin called me it’s alright if you guys aren’t free. Seeing you’re taking her call it should be fine!’ Christen squeaks, already feeling guilty about her throbbing heart hoping that they had actually ended. _I’m such a bad friend._

‘Oh. I think I know. Christen, you didn’t tell me your best friend had to be coached through responses. My proposal kind of fell through just now? But it’s fine. We’re going to talk about it. Ha hah.’ Christen could feel the tinge of insecurity from Rena, but now she understands.

‘How did it fall through?’

‘She kind of couldn’t give a reply? You know how I love her, even though I hated it, if she was willing to give me an explanation, I’ll go back. So I did. I don’t know what’s wrong with our relationship, maybe she doesn’t love me like I thought.’ _She didn’t give a reply?_ ‘Do you think you know why? Tobin talks to you a lot and she definitely looked for you first.’

_I don’t know. I don’t even ask about her and Rena. We usually walk around the topic. ‘_ Oh-um… I don’t know, Rena. So she told you she was going to talk? She probably just messed up. She loves you Rena, you know what a dork she is, she probably got tongue-tied or what.’

‘I hope so. She didn’t seem so just now. I’ll just hear her out.’ Christen suddenly hears the unmistakable click of the opening of Tobin’s door. _‘Sorry, babe. Coffee?’_

Christen could hear Tobin in the background, muttering and she holds her breath.

‘Hey Christen! She’s back! You wanna talk to her?’ ‘Oh uh Its f-‘ ‘ _Tobs it’s Christen.’_

 _‘Oh!’_ Before Christen could hang up, she hears ber best friend breathe through the line. ‘Chris?’

‘Hey.’

‘Um… I couldn’t reach you just now.’

‘I’m sorry… Um-‘ ‘Chris- wait you speak first.’ ‘Yeah, um, you should go and talk to her. You got this okay. Don’t fuck up again.’ Christen hears Tobin chortle through the phone, but falters, hears her close the door before she speaks again. ‘Chris, I really fucked up man. I can’t believe she came back. I don’t really think she’ll stay though.’

‘Tobin, I know what happened.’

‘Yeah i-‘

‘Tobs, do you love her? Just tell me, truthfully.’ Christen’s breath hitches. _No._

_‘Yeah. I think so.’_ She hears her mutter and Christen musters up her remaining strength, holding in her tears. ‘She loves you. Just tell her truthfully. If you’re unsure, just be truthful. She’ll wait for you. You deserve the love you should have Tobs, and you will. She even came back for your explanation. Just explain to her. You got this okay?’

Christen hears a heavy sinking cough, before the line opens again. ‘-Right. Chris. I’ll call you later?’

‘ _Yeah.’_ And the line ends and Christen puts down her phone.

Her phone clatters on the floor, and Christen slowly crouches down on the wooden platform.

She looks out at the room, breathing, then sees the small pool of water coming out from underneath the seam of the bathroom. _God, Alex._

But it makes Christen break out in a small chuckle, shaking her head with a small grin as she walks over. Her eyes though, grey.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_Three months later_ **

Christen was now at Sweden, which honestly to anyone who knows her would just roll their eyes because of how predictable it was. Whenever she needed to escape, she’ll be there.

But everyone knows. _Why._

Tobin continued to date Rena. Rena gave Tobin a second chance.

_But why can’t Christen move on?_

The day when Christen helped to push Tobin into talking to Rena, she felt a small part of her heart lift. This heavy, burdened part of her was suddenly taken off. Somber Alex, the next day, after cleaning up her mess in the bathroom after her night of ‘activities’ , had told her that she was numb.

‘ _Numb?’ Christen laughed. ‘NUMb? At this point of time? Is my heart finally moving on?’_

_‘Yeah…’ Alex was honestly afraid of her friend, especially after the night of her yelling and shouting that made her get over her hangover in record time. Christen was different._

_‘Well. She didn’t call back, so I expect it probably went well.’_

_‘Yeah.’ Alex nods, but looks at the seemingly hyper Christen suddenly standing up and waving around and sighs._

_‘Isn’t it ironic. I fucking pushed my probable love of my life to her fucking girlfriend. Alex. SeE! I’m really destined to be alonE.’ Christen was smiling and laughing, and Alex was worried. Even that time when Christen finally realized her feelings, she didn’t even respond this way._

_‘Chris. You will find the one for you. Even if she’s not the one.’_

_Christen turns over, and the first drops of tears finally surfaces with small sobs._

_Alex looks at her, and can only hold her when her sobs turn ugly and snot came to the front of her cardigan. I mean it’s Christen’s anyway._

_‘But Lex, I love her so much. You don’t even know.’_

_Christen doesn’t see it, but Alex definitely knows. Her heart breaks seeing this usually fun-loving, positive and happy friend of hers cry so horribly. She wonders if she’ll ever move on._

_After all, she’s been cradling her for five years. Seeing these sobs was common. It was a vicious cycle. And Alex can’t help but want her friend to finally get the love she deserves. She doesn’t deserve this._

So Alex and Kelley, after discussing, decided to fund Christen a trip to Sweden. Alex made arrangements with LAFC to get Christen to be on a loan with Goteborg FC for half a year and Christen happily accepted.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't know where the motivations been coming from but ill try to update as much while i have the eneRgy to.  
> tell me what you think!

Tobin has not been sleeping well for days.

It’s been three weeks since she talked to Rena and they have both decided to take a break. Rena had told her that she needed some time and needed Tobin to think properly about where she wanted their relationship to go, especially since it was evident that Tobin wasn’t ready for a larger commitment.

Tobin hated herself. She could not understand why she always avoided thinking about a life with her perfectly great girlfriend, who she has been with for fucking six years. Tobin had always treated the relationship rather half-casually, never really giving much thought when she decided to fly off to surprise Rena, or when she gave her a set of keys. She never thought much about it because Rena seemed to be okay with it. _Possibly cause most of the time it was all sex…_

_Oh my god! I’m an asshole._

She was rethinking all her time with Rena. Tobin had always been busy during the season, and Rena was similarly busy with her role as an editor in the local newspaper. Whenever they met, it was short. Pre-seasons and off-seasons Tobin always spent them either at home or with Christen’s family, which she never thought much about as Rena was always busy with her work. They did meet, they do keep each other updated about their daily routines, _but is this right?_

_I feel like I’m closer to Christen than I am to her… but I can’t talk to Christen about it. We never talk about it. And what she did that day, to tell me to tell Rena the truth, it was honestly the first time. But…_

Tobin opens up her chat with Christen and scrolls up, looking at a new message that Christen had just sent through.

**Loser from Stanford:** look who’s on a contract with the proud Swedes!

The photo attached was a picture of Christen smiling widely, with her Vogue sunglasses, dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants that was obviously Tobin’s, leaning on her luggage.

**Tobs:** I’m surprised your luggage isn’t dying from your weight…

**Loser from Stanford:** hey! excuse you… I’m very light.

**Tobs:** sure…

**Loser from Stanford:** yeah goodbye!

**Tobs:** why are you going Sweden again?

The dots bubbled for a while, giving Tobin time to lie back on her bed before the response came again.

**Loser from Stanford:** just wanted to take a break.

**Tobs:** did something happen? The last time you went it was like two years ago and it was because Rory totally fucked you over. Don’t tell me Hamm did you wrong, because that would spoil my childhood.

**Loser from Stanford:** pleAse if that happened I would quit soccer. your dreams aren’t tarnished don’t worry.

**Loser from Stanford:** just needed a break. Alex has been gruelling.

Tobin rolled her eyes. Of course. She forgot Servando decided to leave back to Orlando and now Alex’s alone in LA again.

**Tobs:** but aren’t you gonna stay for me :(

Tobin typed it but did not send it. Somehow, it just came out of her, this feeling. The same feeling she felt when Portland lost to Utah last year in penalty kicks. The same feeling she felt when she couldn’t get into the senior team early enough. Perhaps even stronger. _Yeah. Definitely._

She sends this though.

**Tobs:** I’ll miss you.

She places her phone on her side table and cuddles back in bed, sniffing in the scent of her lavender blankets, snuggling, hoping that sleep will get rid of all her problems in the world and quickly bring her to the days when she can be back on the pitch again.

She doesn’t see the next message until a few hours later.

Christen was at the Departure hall when she replies.

**Loser from Stanford:** Me too.

 **-** \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen didn’t really feel like going.

But she has to.

The messages she got from Tobin reinforced the need for her to. The purpose of the trip, which Alex had said and jammed it persuasively in her head was that it was a ‘FIND YOURSELF WITHOUT HER’ trip.

Christen didn’t know about Tobin and Rena’s little break, and has been in a slump, thinking they’re happily back together. It didn’t stop her from wanting to text Tobin every now and then, with very sober and pissed Alex having to confiscate her phone away for a few hours.

So Alex has decided that she will be taking Christen’s phone from her, only leaving her with her ipad with data for directions and necessary calls, and a camera (‘just go there, take pictures, let loose). So Christen was completely, utterly, offline. For at least three months before Alex heads over to visit her.

So Christen have been living alone, in this small beautiful cottage near the coast, that was about an hour from the stadium but Christen felt that the scenery was enough to compensate. It was insane. She used to track down this area for weekends of meditation, but to live here now every day, it was beautiful.

She got to thank Alex for unplugging her, she felt more at ease. It was like not ever needing to check on anything, knowing the important people already knew the purpose of this trip. She walked around town, taking pictures of the town, the people, the lakes.

She went to this café every morning, finding the best dessert she ever had, Semlor, which were buns filled with almond paste and whipped cream. It was as delicious as it looked. She made friends with the owner, who was a pretty woman in her mid-forties, who definitely showed her forte of designing, always painting in front of the place in the mornings, which Christen always appeared for. On some days, she would paint the sky in drizzled blue, on other days she would paint dogs and cats, and today, she painted someone.

‘Här. Tack för att du kom varje dag. Du är vacker.’ The owner said as she took the finished painting over to give Christen. (Here, thank you for coming every day. You are beautiful.)

Christen was flabbergasted. She didn’t know how to respond and nodded rigorously and reply ’tack’ repeatedly. The owner laughed, and bowed, smiling before pointing to Christen’s smile in the picture.

’Ditt leende har vuxit från första dagen.’ The owner then pointed at her own smile, before bowing and walking back to the counter, bringing in her supplies with her.

Christen sat there, understanding every single word that the owner told her. She looks at the painting, of her shaded in charcoal, and her smile with a spray of yellow. _It’s true._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tobin haven’t received a text or call or anything from Christen for at least two months now and she doesn’t know what she did wrong.

Her messages were left unanswered, her calls sent to voicemail.

It didn’t help that Rena didn’t respond either, just after calling last week that she felt that she didn’t love her anymore. She’s sure she found someone new.

Everything was falling apart and she doesn’t even know how to sort her feelings.

The one big question she had for herself was that she didn’t know why Christen ignoring her made her more emotionally distressed than Rena’s silence. Her heart was torn, her thoughts making her check their messages and calls every few minutes. She even went through their old messages, seeing if there was anything.

There was nothing though.

The last line was a ‘I miss you’ and she didn’t think much of the first few days of silence, but after it was a week, it was just weird. They talked every day and this absence of Christen’s weird fills of her life and pictures of her dogs and especially her selfies, just made her worry if something had happened.

The first notion of Christen she received was on the news, which reported that Christen was now at Goteborg FC for six months. _Maybe she didn’t get data there._ She would remind herself every single day, but she keep thinking of the time two years ago where Christen would send her at least something every week. Now it was just _nothing_.

So Tobin decided that she had to ask Alex, although she knew that they weren’t in good terms. Especially after five years ago for some reason. Alex was her good friend, not exactly close, but they were still at least friends then, but suddenly, a day after spending time with Christen and her in Portland, she hardly responded to her messages or even asked to hang out with her since then. She never knew why.

But she definitely needed to do this. Alex was possibly the only person that may have known what happened or at least something, just something. _I just need an explanation._

So she calls Alex. It was the seventeenth time now and she hadn’t even answered a single one. She frowns, sighs, trying desperately to hold her tears in. ‘ _Alex, what did I do?’_ She says into the voicemail.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Tobin:** Can we talk? Please.

Alex looks at the phone that’s been on her lap for the past hour.

She’s been looking at her phone vibrating and vibrating with the same number but she leaves it, looking at the same name pop up every single time. She looks at Christen’s phone, which she had to charge every day, despite the lack of usage, because of the number of messages and calls Tobin sent through. It’s definitely been decreasing, but there was at least one every day.

Alex felt bad. She’s rethinking if it was ever a good idea to not tell Tobin, at least a lie of why Christen isn’t answering. She wonders if she should at least answer Tobin. _No. Gotta stick to the plan._

But she breaks when she opened the voicemail.

‘ _Alex, what did I do?’_

Tobin’s voice was cracking so, her voice coming in whispers of chokes and Alex could tell that she was crying.

_Ugh… She didn’t do anything wrong after all._

So she sets her phone on dial.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen was looking at the directions, muttering to herself as she follows a map that the Café owner, now she knows is named Olivia, gave her. _Lol… I think this will take some time. With no GPS. Thanks Alex!_

She needs to get to this theatre hall that Olivia told her was screening Hamilton, her favorite musical. It was a one day event and Christen isn’t going to miss it. She still has twenty minutes and hopefully she was heading to the right direction.

When she walks to this open area, scattered with little mats and people sitting around with picnic baskets chattering, she wonders if this was the right place. At this point, there was only ten minutes left and she doesn’t see any theatre so she decides to ask.

‘Ledsen, var är det här Gothenburg City Theatre?’ Christen approaches a family with a little child bouncing at the middle and the father turns, and his eyes widens.

’Christen! Why are you here!’

’Oh my god Jeff! You’re here! And Sara!’ Christen stood there in shock and the both of them stood up and hugged each other. ’And isn’t this little Jason!’ The little boy ran over and clung onto Christen’s legs, looking up at her with those brown eyes. _Tobin._

’What are the chances! Sara and I just came over for a week before New Years. We’re going back tomorrow just in time for Christmas.’

’Oh wow! I was just coming over to watch Hamilton, which was supposed to be showing at the City Theatre, but i’m definitely lost.’ Christen shrugs and Jeff laughs.

’Oh its at the other side of town Christen!’

’Oh my, then i definitely can’t make it then.’ Christen frowns. _Darn it i knew it!_

_’_ Why don’t you join us?’ Jeff offers and Christen looks over at Sara who was nodding in agreement, little Jason jumping and shaking Christen’s hands in excitement. ’Aunt Chrissy!’ _How could i refuse. Hamilton’s a gone case anyway._

_’_ Yeah! What is this event actually?’

’Yes, come sit down. They’re having a story night for Harry Potter. I heard from our tour guide that they hold these storytelling sessions every fortnight and just so happens that it’s today. It’s the English session and they act the scenes out too! Pretty cool right? It’s starting soon.’

_Harry Potter huh. ’_ Tobin would’ve loved this.’

’Yeah. But too bad! She’s at home sulking. Maybe you guys can come next time!’

_Yeah, maybe._ ’Yeah! I’ll drag her over next time.’

’Hey smile! I’ll send this over to Tobs so she’ll be so jealous that she isn’t here.’

_To Tobin?_ Christen smiles, holding Jason as Jeff snaps and she looks over his shoulder as he sends it over, ’Yo sis, jealous?’

Christen’s heart almost skips a beat when Tobin replies almost immediately.

**Tobs the dude:** Wait where are you guys!

**Tobs the dude:** So jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr for any qns/recommendations + very much a preath bin  
> idk how the story is going for yall but hope its been ok ive kind of been free-flowing,,..  
> thank you for reading!


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i've turned this into a leisure activity and i would say ive been loving it... to 1220am in the morning...  
> ok going to sleep rn! tmw is a long day & im sure i'm gg to regret this but gotta update you guys! of them! 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!

‘So how have you been, living here in Sweden?’ Jeff asks, the both of them settling in a small supper venue, Sara already opting to bring Jason back to sleep after the two hour show. Christen fidgets, touching the band of her gold bangle as she glances at the dwindling lights in the night sky. ‘Good? I guess.’

Christen knew Jeff was here with a purpose, after years of knowing each other from hanging out together with Tobin through the years since Christen met Tobin in high school. Jeff used to be this small little boy that tagged along with Tobin as she brought them along with risky adventures in the night, which involved many breaking in of buildings and skateboarding down a hill, Christen usually arguing with Tobin but ultimately convinced in the end anyway.

‘I guess it gave me a new perspective again, towards life. The past few years had been different. We won the World Cup, then the Olympics and honestly I don’t think _that_ had even set in yet. To have grown, you know like me and your elder sis… Like to become people that are named as the gamechangers towards the female revolution, seeing the growth of the game, then also looking back at the accolades accumulated since we were children. I think I just never really had a break to completely let it sink in? If you get what I mean? After Olympics I was signed by LAFC and we’ve just been so busy. It’s like with so many new tournaments, the champions league, the icc, world tours. I think this trip kind of let me really let loose and remember the purpose of my choice of soccer as a career again. Not for the fame, the buzz, the money, but of the ease it brings me, my love for it, the endless possibility for improvement. It was like a restart button again, to get back the inner peace for me and to prepare me for the time back home. Life’s here just so amazing, it’s like in my own world, the happiness of the locals just totally riding off me you know?’

‘Yeah. I totally get what you mean. I’ve only been here for a few days and it’s just so different. Everyone is purely enjoying life! Every single person that we’ve met were just so accomodating, friendly, and _loving._ They just want us to experience their town, their culture. All these events just makes me feel like I’m at home, although I’m not.’ Jeff says, sitting upright in all his excitement. His eyes were brightening up, and Christen looked up at the sky, glistening in dazzling sprinkles of gold flecks and nods vigorously.

‘That’s great though, I understand what you’re feeling. I haven’t really seen Tobs lately too. She’s always so busy. But you know how she is… she tries, she really does, but it’s just not enough… Mom and Dad are getting old and she keeps missing family reunions. I don’t think she ever saw Jason this year yet and it’s already nearing Christmas. We know, that it’s just her schedule. It’s just sad you know? I just wonder how she’s coping. Not through her occasional calls, but like this. Talking you know? I just wonder how she’s doing.’ Christen looks at Jeff, who has his hands over his eyes, as he looks out, not wanting to look at Christen.

_Me too, Jeff. Me too._

All Christen could think about, if she were to say the truth, was Tobin.

The unplugging, the disconnection, never helped. It just intensified everything. Every morning, her dark mustard colored couch just reminded her of the one that Tobin was planning to buy three months ago. The lattes she drank every morning just reminded her of the morning coffees they got for one week because of a summer job they both got that was near each other when they were seventeen. When Olivia painted, it just reminded her of the occasional painting days they had together. She loved Tobin creating things, her paints, her random screen-printed shirts.

Especially Christen’s shinguards.

Christen didn’t dare to tell Alex, but she secretly placed the gift she got from Tobin on her 25th birthday in the slot between her bag handles and carry on, which Alex couldn’t catch. It was this one item that Christen absolutely treasured.

Tobin made it herself, using the air brush that Jeff actually got her the year before, using colors of blue and purple which stood for Goteburg. It was the shinguards she gifted her for her birthday and also for her stint to Goteburg. She loved how much time Tobin spent on it. It was the first gift Tobin ever handmade for her, the gifts before were all last-minute lame ass hell storebought meme letters. _‘Nice puns right!’_ Tobin would always say and Christen would roll her eyes, but she still kept every single one.

They both had agreed to not buy each other expensive gifts when they were sixteen. They were all broke kids that were about to go to college and they knew their friendship was stronger than all the materialistic shit, so this was their means of gifts. Though Christen honestly always lied when she gave Tobin her gifts. She can’t help it. It was as if her heart just wants Tobin to have everything she wanted.

Like the golden bangle she was wearing. She got a twin one for Tobin on her twentieth birthday and it cost like over two thousand dollars, but she lied to Tobin and said it was like five. Honestly it looked like five dollars. _But I’m an idiot._

But it was true.

These past two months.

It just didn’t really help in that sense.

_Honestly I already knew this was going to happen._

_How can I forget her brown eyes? Her toothy grin that I told her she didn’t need braces to perfect, when it already was? Her kindhearted and youthful self that always made me so happy? Even if she really gets married to Rena, I don’t think I’ll ever let her go. She just has a place in my heart._

_Look at the past six years. Countless times, I’ve told myself that it’s time to move on. To just forget her. Just run away to another country and from everyone. Find some new person to elope with. It’s always that one step. That one last step. To make it happen. But she never did._

She loved her so much. Even before falling in love with each other.

And Christen don’t think she’ll ever not be.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘So I guess you won’t be at the Heath’s Xmas BoNANZA this year huh?’ Jeff pouts, along with Sara and Jason as the four of them stand at the steps of the Departure Hall. Christen had woke up early to send them off and they were all hugging and promising each other visits in the near future as Jeff steps aside to give Christen a last hug.

‘Tobin misses you.’ Jeff speaks and Christen is startled. ‘I didn’t want to say it yesterday because it wasn’t the right state to bring upon the topic. I could see it in your eyes Christen. Talk to her.’

Christen looks up at Jeff, pursing her lips as she avoids the eyes that looked so much like the one she loved. ‘I will. When my phone’s back.’

Jeff nods and smiles. Sara comes over and gives Christen another hug, little Jason kissing the side of Christen’s cheek which evokes the one true smile Christen actually had in a while. She feels at ease, after hearing Jason’s words.

She’s ready, to continue pushing. Despite perhaps her never getting her ideal future with her favorite person, but she reminds herself of how lucky she is to have people that truly cares for her that she met thanks to her. Jeff, who is like a little brother. Tobin’s family, who treats her like their own. Even her teammates, she knows that she wouldn’t have made it this far without Tobin’s small push at the start of her Stanford journey, to keep on going, to have heard her late calls of cries, to have continued putting the smile on her face that made her invincible in tournaments, that ultimately led her to the Hermann Trophy and ultimately where she is now. Tobin’s presence has been everlasting and loving. _I’ll make sure she’s happy. That’s the most important. Even if it means it isn’t with me._

_I’ll be okay._ Christen tells herself that as she waves goodbye to Jeff, before scrambling over to tell him one last thing. ‘Can you help me tell her why I’m not responding? And pass her this. As a Christmas present.’

‘Sure.’ Jeff grins, grabbing the box from Christen. ‘May I know what it is?’

‘Don’t you dare! It’s nothing…’ Christen teases and continues waving, pushing the family into the gates.

‘Merry Christmas Eve Christen!’

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen woke up to Christmas morning, feeling befuddled, buried deep in her covers.

She scrambles to get off her alarm and heads off to brush her teeth and wash her face, putting on a bra and slips into more comfortable clothing: sweats and a hoodie. A Christmas hoodie in fact.

‘Wooo~ Merry Christmas to me!’ Christen hurries over to her little makeshift Christmas tree she made out of cardboard and dried up grass because she didn’t want to create plastic waste. There lay a nicely wrapped box which contained a lucky draw item that she ordered from Nike.

There were hundred possibilities, ranging from jerseys to jackets to shoes and Christen can’t wait to open it. She didn’t mind getting any to be honest.

And oh and behold what it was indeed.

A _Tobin Heath_ jersey.

Christen literally burst out laughing at the absurdity of the draw.

_Out of everything! Seriously? Not even my own jersey… Her’s?!_

‘Yeah… I’ll definitely wish for a Tobin Heath right now.’

And little did she know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr for any qns because my storytelling sometimes get everywhere lols  
> & pester me for more updates:-)
> 
> i'm sorry for the short updates but i think i'm definitely going to write more when i have time, sometimes i stop when i think its appropriate>< ahah


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! im back! enjoy the chapter! (hopefully:-)  
> tell me what you think! thank you for supporting!!  
> i decided to add chapters because i still have plots to cover and ive been writing short i'm sorry:-1 but an update!

‘Alex? Hi?’ Tobin calls as she stands on the outside of Alex’s California apartment, her right hand gripping her bag strap. Her brown eyes had dark bags ringing under, her lips seeping dry.

Alex, upon hearing the doorbell quickly stashes her cans of beer at the side of the couch, her own eye forced open as she heads to turn the knob, revealing Tobin in a black hoodie, sweats and an orange nike sb cap. ‘Such a dark theme for Christmas Tobin.’ Tobin’s lips only lifts a little, looking skeptically at the woman standing in front of her that had ignored her for the past six years, only to answer her call a few days ago and invited her to come to her new house of three years that she has never visited. ‘Same to you.’ Tobin said, eyeing Alex’s outfit that she knew she probably was not out of for some time, like hers.

‘Uh right.’ Alex coughs. She doesn’t know where to start. Both of them making eye contact for a brief six seconds before Alex broke away and ‘Hey come on let’s sit down.’

‘So… um.. I think I owe you a lot of explanations…’

‘That’s for sure.’ Tobin almost snaps, but holds back for the last second, because she’s been so confused for the past few days, not getting Christen’s calls, nothing from Rena and with Alex just telling her to come to California without any explanation. Alex doesn’t miss that of course.

‘It’s okay to be angry. I’m sorry Tobin.’ Alex cringes, looking at Tobin finally look up from her closed eyes, her eyes widening.

‘For what? For these past six years? I didn’t even know what I did wrong? Or for the last eighteen missed calls? And-God! Isn’t this Christen’s phone?’ Tobin finally sees the grey phone lying at the side of the couch, plugged to the charger beside the side table. ‘WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS? WHAT- LOOK AT THE MISSED CALLS FROM ME! IS THIS-‘

‘Tobin stop-‘

‘-HER PHONE? WHY IS-‘

‘Tobin I’ll explain-‘

‘-IT HERE? WHERE-‘

‘Tobin-‘

‘WHERE IS SHE?’ Tobin shouts, grabbing the phone from the charger, tapping open the lockscreen, knowing the password, swiping through the list of missed calls as Alex tries to grab at her friend’s arms, futilely, as her friend opens the chat she wants to see the most, which Alex immediately snatches it away.

‘TOBIN! NO! WAIT I’LL EXPLAIN.’ Alex holds the phone, pressing it shut, as she looks right into Tobin’s exasperated eyes.

‘GIMME BACK.’ Tobin stands firm, gripping her hands tight as she steps forward towards Alex, who presses her down to the couch, forcing her to sit down.

‘I’ll explain. Just calm down. Please?’ Alex looks down at Tobin, who looks up with anguish and confusion.

Tobin doesn’t answer for a while, holding her strong gaze against Alex’s, willing her to give up, but her friend doesn’t falter, gripping at her shoulders tighter. ‘OKAY FINE HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALEX THAT HURT!’ Alex stands back, pursing her lips, before passing a glass of water to Tobin. ‘Okay drink this. You look like you haven’t drank in days.’

Tobin didn’t reply, only turning away, slowly sipping the liquid as she breathes in, and out. In and out. _In. and. Out._

Alex plops down at the opposite couch, sighs and resolving to picking up a can of beer hidde behind, popping it open and taking a swig.

‘Why are you drinking?’ Tobin was the one who breaks the silence, her eyes drifting over to the whole pack of beer beside her friend, and then the trash littered with cans. ‘Didn’t you swear to be sober?’

Alex lightly chuckles, remembering that one night that she and Tobin spent together about seven years back during one of their national team camps. Both of them sitting at a booth in a local diner at Georgia, barely escaping the party of hell their dear friend Kelley O’ Hara dragged their team to, who was probably drinking an entire barrel of beer while they are safely eatting waffles at 1am after winning their U-20s friendly. It was that night where Alex and Tobin both swore to go sober to use it as an excuse out of Kelley’s invites. ‘You still remember?’

‘Of course, Alex.’ Tobin looks at her with those brown eyes and Alex turns away. _Fuck._

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry for these past six years. I ignored you because I had a reason. I shouldn’t have. I was wrong to have forgotten to be your friend just because of that.’

‘What reason?’

‘I can’t-‘

Tobin looks at Alex, who was looking at her, pleading, shaking her head, not wanting the truth to be told, just yet. _Tobin please._

But Tobin finally pieces things together and she furrows her brow, taking off her cap and places it backwards.

She knows.

‘It’s about Christen, isn’t it?’

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen slips into her blankets, wrapping it around her shoulders as she slowly walks to her small living room, making a little nest on the floor as she flips open her laptop.

_Let’s Netflix and Chill._

She hugs her pillow close as she scrolls through her Netflix recommendations. _Ugh there’s nothing to watch… I’ve literally watched everything…_

She pouts, dragging her mouse down more, until she finds the erotic section. _It’s stupid, but I haven’t had sex for like almost five years? Because I don’t do one-night stands no matter how Alex makes me. Pleasure me._

_Merry Christmas to me._

She watches, the couple, finally, at the end, making love.

And all she can think about was two lightly tanned fingers slipping into her folds instead of her own.

And she gasps, waiting for the soft whisper of her name.

But it never came.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex didn’t want to answer.

Her blue eyes looking down, as Tobin sighed.

‘Alex. I know. Your feelings for Christen.’

Alex gasps, finally letting go of a guttural cry, tears flowing. The one that she never released, in all of the six years.

This truth, something that she secretly kept within her own heart, pushing it away, not fully grasping it until now.

‘I’m right, aren’t i?’ Tobin walks over, hugging her tight.

Alex thinks back of the day where she hung out with Christen and Tobin at the Portland café, sipping black coffee along with Christen when she finally realized her feelings for Tobin. She remembered the day where Christen was heading back to LA with her and suddenly burst into tears. She remembers asking her why and what happened, only to hear the words of _I think I like Tobin_ and hear her own heart twisting shut. Of listening to Christen’s soft sobs that broke her heart entirely. Of her own heart coming into realisation that she might have feelings for this friend of hers, other than her husband. Listening to Christen crying and recounting the hurt she felt when she saw Tobin kiss Rena. And it was then, where two confused hearts finally became known. 

_The truth that she tried to push away for six years._

Alex huffs, reining in her stifled nose as she elbows at Tobin, looking right to Tobin’s eyes, glaring. She thinks about this stupid friend of hers that obviously had feelings for the other and just haven’t realized it either. _Fucking hell._

‘You think you’re smart. But you’re so fucking dumb.’ Alex spits out, giving Tobin another shove, but gives a little laugh at the end, with a little stifle of a cry.

_At least there’s hope yet._

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kelley O’ Hara was on a mission.

She secretly went on a plane with Emily, after surprising her with tickets to Sweden, obviously with a motive to see her Stanford best friend that she missed pranking every other week to see her squirms.

Emily agreed to tag along, loving this little romantic getaway in the festive period, both excitedly waiting for the plane to touch down. Emily also missed her friend, although she wasn’t as close to Christen as Kelley, but she definitely missed listening to Christen scolding both her and Kelley on their ‘jokes’ and childish behaviour for some weird reason. _Well we are weird._

Kelley had a mission in mind, to give her bestie a great Christmas! _WITH BEER! WITH EXTRA CHRISTMASY TREES! PEACHES! MY ENERGY!! That dumbass is probably spending a sad Christmas AND BIRTHDAY alone at home sulking._

Which was true.

‘We’re HERE!!!’ Kelley yells as the plane finally stops and the overhead lamp turns on, unclasping her seatbelt. Multiple heads turned their way and Emily rolled her eyes, quickly shushing her, with Kelley saying a rush of ‘ _Förlåt! Förlåt!’._

’You’re dumb.’ Emily chides, as they both roll their carry-ons away to the Arrival hall.

’No you’re dumber.’ Kelley snides, elbowing her girlfriend.

’You’re the dumber one.’ Emily elbows back, kicking Kelley’s suitcase a little, causing it to flip.

’NO!’ Kelley yells, and pushes her again, causing Emily to fall.

Kelley smiles, standing above her girlfriend, who pulls her fallen hood back frowning. _’Oh no you don’t_.’

And at that point, Kelley regrets, as she sees the scheming eyes of her girlfriend, who pulls herself up and grabs at her leg and-

In one anger-induced tug, Kelley is on the ground with an ‘ _oof’_ and Emily obviously didn’t think it through too, because Kelley falls with her head knocking the ground and goes unconscious.

‘Oh fuck.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr  
> pester me for updates


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i knew i had to update quickly so that it wouldn't be confusing(hopefully it wasn't) & leave holes!  
> So here you go! double chapter update:-)  
> hope ya'll enjoy it! tell me what you think!

‘Kelley, I can’t believe the first time I see you in three months it’s you in the hospital with a concussion…’ Christen stands before the freckled girl, who was already bouncing and wanting to get out of her hospital bed. Her girlfriend sat by the side of the bed, sporting a guilty grin.

‘Thanks to Ms Sonnett!’ Kelley raised her hands and Christen laughed.

‘Okay no more ya’ll did enough! I thought something serious happened and who knew of course it was the both of you fighting.’ Christen folded her arms, placing the food she got for the both of them on the table. ‘Here, I got food for both of you.’

‘Thanks Chris!’ Both of them yelped, Kelley grabbing for the bowl above at the same time as Emily, scuffling. ‘Both of you! Stop!’

Emily and Kelley obliges, chuckling to each other as Christen hands them each a bowl, rolling her eyes.

‘Okay sorry Pressy! We came to celebrate Christmas with you! We didn’t mean for this to happen!’ Kelley gives Christen a toothy grin as she opens the food packet, revealing meatballs and a salmon pasta side. ‘What are these?’

‘I just thought since both of you missed a first day out in Sweden, you would like some Swedish food. It’s really good! Try dipping the meatballs in jam.’ Christen says, pointing at the dollop of red beside the meatballs, Kelley jamming her spork into it, dipping and immediately putting it in her mouth.

‘Hey, Pressy we’re both sorry for making you come to the hospital on christmas day when you should be resting.’ Kelley mumbles, poking at her meatballs as she looks down, frowning.

‘It’s okay, really. I know you guys came here to surprise me! So after you’re discharged, I’ll bring you guys out alright!’ Christen crosses her arms, shaking her head. She really is happy that two of her close friends came to celebrate with her, although it wasn’t how they probably wanted it to be like, at least she wasn’t alone on this very festive holiday.

‘I love you Pressy.’ Kelley leans forward, hugging her and Christen holds her tight, Emily joining in at the back.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tobin was now standing at the outside of Rena’s apartment, with a passport in hand.

The day before was eventful. Tobin finally clicked everything in place.

_I love Christen._

Alex had hit the shit out of her, crying and laughing as she told her how stupid she was and Tobin finally put the pieces together.

Why Tobin felt like her heart is getting ripped out every minute that Christen doesn’t reply her.

Why Tobin cared more about knowing how Christen was doing everyday than Rena.

Why Tobin is here, right now, in front of Rena’s apartment.

Tobin is going to tell Rena, tell her the truth about her feelings.

Why she felt afraid to love Rena and spend her life with her.

Because she could never spend it with anyone else.

Alex had sent Tobin here, with tickets to Portland and another set safely kept in her bag, for later.

‘Tobin?’ Rena squeaks as she opens the door, her head peeking out from the door. ‘Hold on a moment.’ Tobin hears Rena mumble something to someone behind the doors and soft clatters across the room. _There’s definitely someone else inside._

‘Hey. Come on in.’ Rena opens the door, tying her hair into a bun as Tobin walks inside, to a place she used to think as home.

‘Hey. I’ll just be here for a short while, don’t worry.’ Tobin nods at the door of Rena’s room, where she knows someone, possibly her new lover is inside.

‘Ah huh.’ Rena blinks, knowing full well what Tobin meant, folding her arms.

‘I know you don’t love me anymore and I probably don’t deserve your love anyway. I just came to tell you something before I leave. I just want this to end amicably and I hope for us to stay as friends after this.’ Rena nods, allowing Tobin to continue.

‘I owe you the truth.’ Tobin squeaks, her voice quivering a little as she shrugs, avoiding Rena’s eyes. _I don’t want to be the bad guy._

_‘_ I like Christen. I didn’t realize my own feelings until recently.’

A silence beats between the two, Tobin moving forward to grasp at Rena’s palms.

‘I’m sorry.’ She squeezes the limp fingers and a tear starts to fall.

‘I know.’ Tobin looks up surprised, as the limp fingers grabbed hold of hers and their eyes met. ‘I know. And it’s okay.’

‘Hold on a sec.’ Tobin watches as Rena runs to her room and comes back with a similar looking box.

‘Here. This is my blessing. I’m happy now and no matter what happened between us, we all deserve happiness. ’ Rena places the box into Tobin’s palms, holding her tight.

‘Go and get your girl.’

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tobin stands at the departure hall of the PDX airport, holding the plane ticket that Alex gave her and the small ring box.

She scanned the departure timings for the one for Sweden, knowing it’s only twenty minutes away, running to the counter to check in.

‘Check in for flight S7886B please?’ Tobin pushes her passport across the counter, looking at the clock hurriedly, her feet tapping.

‘Ms Tobin Heath? Flight S7886B to Goteborg, Sweden, Gate 23 please. You have been upgraded to First Class by our client. Enjoy your flight!’ The lady smiled, handing her back her tickets and a new cotton bag, dedicated for First Class attendees. _Oh Alex._

_‘You don’t have to worry. I’ve been getting over her and I have Servando. She loves you so much.’ Alex gripped her shoulders, her piercing blue eyes striking through her honey brown. Tobin searched through her tear striken face, holding her friend’s face._

_‘Alex. You shouldn’t have went through this alone.’ Tobin starts crying, both for her friend and how both of them were dumbly going through this heartbreak._

_‘I had to. It was something I had to go through alone. Like what she did, for years. And now you.’_

_‘I booked you tickets to Sweden, take them and see her please. It was supposed to be for me. I told her I’ll see her in three months and finally give her back her phone, but you. You should be the one who gives it to her.’ Alex hands it to her, Tobin nodding._

_‘She deserves all the happiness after these years pining after you. You don’t know how many nights we stayed here, crying. All she could think was you.’_

_‘And you?’_

_‘She loves you. There’s no one else she can ever love, but you.’_

_Tobin looked at her friend, finally reacquianted after years, sitting by the couch, sniffing through a bunch of tissues, rasping. ‘I’m fine. Really. I won’t be happy if I see that she isn’t either. All these past years…I’ve just been helping her and now…. she can finally be….happy.’_

_Tobin stands there, grabbing the pack of beer and throws them into the bin. ‘WHAT!’_

_‘You better not drink any.’_

_Alex sighs, but nods a second later. She stands up, walking over to Tobin and opens her laptop pouch, taking out two tickets. ‘One to find Rena, which I know you need to talk to her and the other to Goteborg.’_

_‘Do it right, okay, Tobs?’ Both friends share a glance, Tobin nodding before going to hug Alex._

_‘Love you Lexy.’ Opting to use their childhood nicknames for they once had for each other._

_‘Love you. Tobs I’ll be fine. Bring back a happy Chrissy.’_

_The blue-eyed brunette peered as the brown-haired woman swung her Nike pack over her shoulders, grasping tight at the pair of tickets on her hand as she opens the door, brown eyes looking back meeting hers for a second, before closing. ‘Thanks Lex.’_

_The brunette smiled, her heart easing, for the first time in six years._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘RISE AND SHINE PRESSY! WE GONNA GO AND PARTY!’ Christen hears her friend scream as her door gets slammed open and two hands rip her cozy blanket off her bed. She groans, grasping at her pillow, slamming it against her ears. ‘Kelley…what time is…it?’

‘IT’S NINE! WE ALREADY MISSED THE OPTIMUM TIME FOR PRESENTS! LATE MA’AM!’ Kelley screams again, grabbing at Christen’s pillow, which is immediately met with Christen’s open eyes. Christen sits up, reaching for her bra as she heads to the toilet across her room, seeing Emily and Kelley both waiting at her makeshift tree. ‘Kelley I actually opened my presents yesterday.’

‘What? You’re supposed to open them on Boxing Day!’

‘Yeah but I did.’ Christen continues speaking as she closes the door, grabbing for her toothbrush.

‘We got more for you! Show us what you got too! We haven’t open ours, make it like a pretend opening session!’ Kelley jumps, and yells from outside the door.

_Oh no. Yeah she ain’t seeing my present._

‘You got me some! I didn’t get you guys any… Can I give you tomorrow?’

‘How about we each choose one later while shopping!’

‘Okay sure! But no gold shit like last time okay Kelley!’

‘No promises!’ Christen laughs at that, remembering the gold necklace she had to get her as a honorary gift when Kelley joined Utah Royals. ‘ _Royals gotta have gold baby.’_

Christen opens the door and heads to the tree where Emily and Kelley turned to her with expectant eyes. ‘OPEN PRESENTS! OPEN PRESENTS!’ They chanted and Christen tries to absorb their energy, bouncing with them as she took her present.

‘Emily actually got you the gift.’ Kelley explains, knowing that she had no idea what to get her.

‘Oh I actually called Tobin for this. But WE STILL GOT IT OKAY!’ Emily says and Kelley’s eyes went wide. _Don’t say that!_

But Christen laughed, knowing why Kelley responded like that. ‘It’s okay. Thank you so much, I’m pretty sure I’ll love it.’ _So Tobin chose this._

She opens the lid of the box, revealing a full body set of a Bodega outfit, with a hoodie and sweatpants. Perfect homebody outfit. _Of course._

Christen remembers the day she went to downtown LA with Tobin and walked into the store, seeing this set on display and wanted it badly, but she had just gotten a Balenciaga hoodie and she didn’t want to break her budget for the month.

‘Thank you so much! I can’t believe you guys got me this!’

‘Of course! We’re good friends right?’ Kelley grinning as Emily and her hugged, both smiling cheekily at Christen. _These dorks._ ‘Of course!’

‘Okay ON TO MY GIFT NEXT!’ Kelley yells and the three of them sat there, ripping open presents as Christen looks down at the hoodie, and she smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr to pester me for updates & also telling me to study because my a levels are coming in 3 months(oh lord)  
> +any qns!! / requests!


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry for the long wait! it was a crazy week of rushing notes & doing homework and hardly getting any sleep ><  
> but heres the next chap that i know youve been waiting for, the moment, finally  
> enjoy!   
> (and always tell me what you think! i'll try to update soon:-)

‘Chris! Open your eyes!’ Kelley and Emily drags a dressed up Christen up to a bar and proceeds to open the door, immersing her in the atmosphere before letting go of her hands covering Christen’s eyes.

‘Kelley… You brought me to a bar?’ Christen asked incredulously, looking at the scene that she hasn’t put herself into for a few years.

‘No! Come on in, it’s more than a bar apparently.’ Kelley speaks, holding onto Christen’s arm as she drags her to the back of the bar, where there was a small room bordered by guards.

‘Biljett snälla.’ The bodyguard in sunglasses standing right in front of the door speaks and Kelley quickly turns to Christen and Emily. ’What is he saying?’

’Kelley tickets. Did you get them? He says we need them for entry.’ Christen points at her friend who obviously did not bring any bags, with Emily holding on to her wallet and phone in her bag.

’Um….No?’ Kelley says, turning to Emily with widened eyes. _What am we going to do?_ ’The site just said they were playing tonight and i thought it was free…’

’Har du biljetter? Om inte bara komma in, är det okej.’ The bodyguard suddenly intervenes, shrugging at the three as Christen turned and spoke excitedly. ’Verkligen?! Tack så mycket!!’

’What did he just say? Did he let us in? HELL YEAH!’ Kelley shouts, looking at the bodyguard opening the door, letting them in. The bodyguard quickly pushed them into the crowd, smiling at them, with their shouts of thank yous, before closing the door behind them.

’Who are we watching by the way?’ Christen yells over the crowd, the three of them all trying to keep together as the crowd inside pushes and bumps against them, jamming to the music.

’Oh LANY! I sprung across the ad the other day and heard they were playing here for a night, so we decided to bring you! Plus okay we were shocked it was free, but now we know!’ Emily shouts back and Kelley brings a thumbs up.

’We know how much you love LANY!’ Kelley yells again, bouncing as the announcer begins to announce the arrival of the band on stage.

Christen’s heart pounces, thoroughly touched that her friends made the effort for her birthday and for the prospect of meeting the group whose music she listened to through thick and thin. ’ _Thank you!’_ Kelley glances back at Christen and grins, before grabbing her palm squeezing it. ’Happy Birthday Chris. I love you.’

’Love you too O’hara.’ And Christen smiles, widely, as Paul Jason Klein takes the stage, Les Priest pressing onto the keys of the piano to the first notes of ILYSB.

_And you need to know_

_You’re the only one, alright alright_

Christen nods, closing her eyes, immersing herself in the soft echoing beats.

_Buhdebum. buhdebum._

_Oh my heart hurts so good._

Her eyes open, looking at the lights flashing on stage, Paul deeply reening against the microphone, frowning, eyes closed as he belts _I love you, babe, so bad, so bad._ Christen feels Kelley’s finger slipping through hers again, tightening her grip. Christen presses back, closing her eyes again, getting into her own inner space as the short melody plays.

_You keep me up all night, all night._

_I love you, babe, so bad, so bad, oh_

_So bad, oh_

_Oh my heart hurts._ She takes a deep breath.

_Oh, my heart hurts._ Her teeth clinches.

_Oh, my heart hurts._ She opens her eyes, frustrated, as she looks at Paul, whose words in this song always managed to get to her, no matter how many times she listened.

_So bad, oh._ Christen listens, smiles, as a tear still rolls down her cheek.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘ _No! Don’t wake her up! She’s so tired, we’ll go and get her.’_ Christen rolls over in her bed, half-awake as she hears voices outside her door, seemingly in a quarrel. ‘ _Okay fine! But we gotta hurry! It’s like at nine and you are so not dressed yet!’_ Christen hears Emily voice belting with a little scuffling at the end.

_‘And whose fault is that?’ Oh god._ Christen pulls her blanket back on top of her head, not wanting to listen to their conversation anymore and just goes back into her deep slumber, dreaming about. _Actually something weird. Of Kelley running in a hamster cage dressed as a rabbit? Okay I better just sleep, this is all weird._ And so Christen closes her tired eyes, after getting home at 2am the previous night.

As Christen starts wondering about the green lettuce that Sonnett had become in her dream, which the rabbit Kelley started chasing after, the two real life bouncy energetic friends quickly ran out of her house, getting the car to the airport.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘She should be here anytime now. See S7886B has arrived.’ Kelley says as she peers at the arrival board, as Emily scans at the people strolling to the luggage claim area. ‘Okay, I’ll go and get coffee.’

‘Alright.’ Kelley mutters, giving her girlfriend a peck as she moves to the Starbucks beside them. ‘Do you remember how to say the orders?’

‘Jag vill ha mycket kaffe!’ Emily yells back and Kelley chuckles, loving how incredibly idiotic her girlfriend was, this part of the daily pranks they pull on each other. _Can’t wait to see how many coffee cups she comes back with._

So Kelley stands there alone as she waits for Alex to arrive, refreshing her messaging app as she looks onto her and Alex’s chat.

**Janice:** Just boarded, will message when i land.

**Worms:** Okay safe flight wormy!

**Worms:** Me and Ems are here. Have you arrived?

Kelley sees three dots finally bubbling, and she glances above as she looks onto the message simultaneously, trying to catch a glance of the dark locks of her friend, but she sees a wave of brown blonde instead, and a familiar hoodie. She doesn’t give much thought, looking down at her phone again as her friend’s message finally sent through.

**Janice:** Yep.

**Janice:** maybe.

_What?_ Kelley looks upon the message weirdly as she glances in front again, seeing that all-too-familiar US Soccer luggage that she only knew one person that would still bring it around despite it being a personal trip.

**Worms:** What?

**Worms:** Is that Tobin?

**Janice:** You’ll see.

Kelley glances ahead, dumbfounded, as she makes eye contact with her friend, brown haired, brown eyes, wearing a laidback smile, as she walks over.

**Janice:** She’s here for Christen.

She stands shocked, freaking out, as Tobin comes over and hugs her tight, but Kelley doesn’t miss the movement of her eyes, the moment that short hug ended, scanning for a certain someone. She also doesn’t miss the second of a frown that was formed when she heard that she didn’t come. But she sees Tobin’s dry lips and dried lethargic eyes as she laughs as Emily comes back, fuming, holding onto ten cups of Starbucks, yelling at Kelley that _WE’RE FUCKING BROKE!_ , which Kelley laughs along to.

So Kelley drives quickly back to Christen’s house, hearing the impatient drumming of Tobin at the back as she stares out at the buildings outside.

Kelley and Emily having a silent realisation of what Tobin was here for, and Emily holds onto Kelley’s right hand that was not holding onto the steering wheel, both sharing a smile as the three of them had short conversations, catching up on their lives as they await the moment to come for the woman still in bed.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen stills as she feels a figure standing beside her.

She doesn’t open her eyes, still wrapped up in her blankets as she rolls to a side.

The figure beside her suddenly goes nearer, Christen feeling her breathe as the person puts a hand on her head. _Lavender._

It smelt like the person she knew so well, of her favorite scent.

_But she couldn’t be here._

_Definitely still dreaming._

So she turns again, before the person places both hands on her cheek and the smell hits her full and the familiar soft touch of her friend reins her in to reality.

Her eyes flutter open and she looks right at the flecks of brown on her favorite tanned skin of smile wrinkles as her best friend places her lips right on hers.

‘Hi.’

Her favorite brown eyes looked right at her as she sits up suddenly.

Tobin smiling, widely, at her.

It doesn’t take a second before Christen presses her lips back onto the dry lips of the other, savoring the bitter coffee ends of her mouth and she is in euphoria.

‘Hi.’ Christen rasps, a tear slipping out of her right eye as she looks at her best friend of almost half her life, who had just kissed her.

‘I love you.’ Tobin speaks.

Although it was just three simple words,

it was everything.

Everything, that was needed to make Christen’s heart whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr to pester me for updates/questions/recommendations!   
> hopefully you're are still enjoying my work...


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i was listening to rlly sappy songs while writing this so excuse me & my sad single self  
> but hope you enjoy the new chapter! hehe i may write the next chapter soon!  
> btw i'm still sad that Utah lost:( but they weren't playing well today hoping that Christen is okay, she played so good tonight  
> ok shall keep it short! enjoy the chapter(hopefully excuse my mistakes)

Christen’s hands move slowly towards the hem of her black hoodie.

Touching the soft cotton fabric softly, timidly, as she looks into the pair of brown eyes looking right at her, as they lay side by side, her mouth already probably has a cramp from all the smiling she’s been doing. Her heart pumps faster again as she looks at the woman laying beside her, hands in her messy black hair, stroking it, grinning.

_I can’t believe she’s here._

They stay lying there, knees touching, looking at each other as Christen breathes in Tobin’s scent. _I love this._

Tobin suddenly pulls Christen into her arms, and its all warm, secure and Christen can’t breathe. ‘Tobs?’

‘Chris, I’m so happy I came here. Finally.’ Tobin holds her tighter, Christen’s head buried deep in her shoulder as she mumbles into her neck, and Christen feels goosebumps go up her body. ‘I’m sorry for making you wait so long.’

Christen chokes at that, another tear escaping as she grips onto Tobin’s back tight, her heart beating wildly. _I still can’t believe this is real._

‘You are real right? I’m not dreaming?’ Christen thought this question was dumb, but after so long and the situation back in the US, she can’t help but think everything was her own imagination, made up of her desires.

‘noPe Chris. I’m here as your birthday present!’ Tobin laughs, as they pull apart, Tobin reaching in for another peck that gave Christen a little stomach roll before pulling her up.

‘I got something for you.’

Tobin walks over to the edge of her bed, where her duffel bag lay, still holding onto Christen’s hand, tight, her little thumb stroking Christen’s fingers affectionately as the other woman sits on the bed expectantly.

‘Here.’ Tobin unzips her bag, revealing her long unused iPhone. ‘Alex told me to pass you this.’ _Alex must’ve done this._

Christen touched the screen of the phone, surprised it’s still at 100% and scrolls down the screen. There lay numerous phone calls and messages, so, so many from Tobin and she looks up, looking teasingly to Tobin who looks away bashfully, scratching the back of her head.

Christen opens the calls, seeing the entire stream of receipts.

**Tobs Missed Calls (3) 18 th Dec**

**Tobs Missed Calls (10) 17 th Dec**

**Tobs Missed calls (10) 16 th Dec**

‘You called everyday?’ Christen looked up, red filling her cheeks. Tobin moves over to sit beside her, looking down as she replies. ‘Yeah. I called every hour when I knew you would be awake, or out of training. I gave myself a limit.’

Christen moves over to Tobin, hugging her, as she blurts out a cry, her heart aching from thinking of Tobin calling endlessly for a response that never came. ‘I’m so sorry Tobs.’

‘No. You had to. Alex explained.’ Tobin pulls her up, wiping at her tears as she smiles. ‘See. You look so well rested and happy. I'm happy that you did it.’

Christen looks at her, and everything around her just looked like the sun, flowers and easy breeze. She nods, and squeezes Tobin’s fingers, suddenly seeing the Cartier ring on Tobin’s middle left finger.

She rubs the edge of the ring and Tobin sees it.

‘Rena gave us her blessings.’

Christen’s heart stops, her finger pulling a startle as she looks back at Tobin’s eyes, seeing the affirming grin from her best friend. ‘She gave me the ring. I thought I’ll keep it, wear it as a love ring, to remember what she gave us. I also made one for you.’

Tobin moves, her hand pulling at something deep within her cargo pants pocket and Christen laughs when it seemed that her hand was stuck. ‘Wait Tobs.’ Christen looks at Tobin, cheekily as she grabs the box inside the pocket, taking it out. Tobin grins sheepishly as she takes the box, opening it, revealing the same ring.

‘I carved the ring with today’s date.’ Tobin speaks, as she rolls the ring in between her thumb and index finger, showing the inner ring. **29\. 12. XX.**

Christen looks at the dates engraved, then to Tobin who had an easy grin plastered on her face.

‘It isn’t because of your birthday. It’s…It’s…’ Tobin murmurs, Christen sensing her anxiety and smiles at her, urging her along. ‘I bought this to ask you the question.’

Tobin might’ve been nervous, but when she sees those soft green eyes twinkling at her, nothing felt more easy when she said those six words, her entire world coming into fruition.

‘Would you want to be my girlfriend?’

And when Christen laughs, nodding, as Tobin slips the ring through her middle finger, two broken pieces finally moulded and fixed to become one, a numbing, pained heart lifted, surged with resurrection and the other finally found the perfect linkway, no longer lost, the hearts reached for each other and when they did, they bloomed flowers of ecstasy, moulding the neverending smiles on their owner’s faces.

‘ _Yes._ _Yes. Yes-‘_ And two eyes locked on each other as the brown eyed girl moved in, capturing the other on her lips, and both wished that whatever they felt at the moment could be remembered forever.

And Christen cries, finally, as her tears released her pained memories, opening her heart for happier ones to come, light and hopeful.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘I think we should go and buy back dinner. They won’t be coming out soon and if they do, they better have food.’ Kelley pokes at her girlfriend, who was busy trying to beat her in their game of Mario Kart on the Nintendo Switch they brought.

‘Huh… Seriously those two. Aren’t they hungry?’ Emily frowns, just as her growling stomach answers her question.

‘Alright babe. Let’s go. They already missed lunch, they better not miss dinner.’ Kelley stands up, stretching, rather restless after sitting for four hours on the sofa.

‘Okay! Hey…’ Emily bounces up and Kelley sees the familiar glint in her eyes. ‘You wanna see what they are doing?’ Emily smiles at Kelley cheekily, pointing at the half open door where two of their friends were in.

‘No way! I don’t want to walk in to some love making session.’ Kelley shakes her head vigorously, waving as she moves quickly away, only to be held to a stop by Emily.

‘How about I bet you, let’s say $20, that they’re definitely on it!’ Emily looks straight at her girlfriend, raising two fingers.

‘Make it $50. It’s too scarring, it has to be worth it.’

‘$40.’

‘Fine. Deal. You’ll go and check it since you initiated this.’

‘Only if you’re willing to pay me $40 if you lose.’

‘Fine.’ Kelley rolls her eyes, moving over to the door as slowly as possible, as her girlfriend walks forward, jumping excitedly. ‘Why are you happy about watching them have sex?”

‘No! It isn’t! I’ve just been sitting there for so long curious about what they were doing.’ Emily whispers back and grabbing at Kelley to hurry up as they finally made it to the door.

Emily completely did not expect the scene that played before her.

Tobin was sitting, reading up a Sweden guidebook as Christen lay on her lap, her hands draped across Tobin’s leg as she sleeps.

They were completely clothed. No nasty business, or snogging or whatever. _But they looked fucking married._

Tobin looks up, meeting their eyes as they peered from the door, gesturing for them to come over and they did, slowly and softly, not wanting to wake up the sleeping Christen.

‘ _Was she that tired yesterday?’_ Kelley murmurs, looking at her friend that was laying with covers draped over her as she lay so peacefully beside Tobin.

‘ _We talked for a while, and fell asleep. I just woke up a while ago.’_ Tobin smiled, looking back at Christen and Kelley almost felt like puking from all that goo. Emily slaps at her girlfriend, obviously seeing her reaction and gives her a kiss, which Kelley grins at.

‘ _We were just going to buy dinner. Do you want to come along?’_ Tobin nods, then slowly pulls her leg out of Christen’s grasp, the sleeping girl making hard as she grips hard back at her leg. Tobin laughs, and Kelley helps her, before finally getting her leg out. Kelley swore Christen frowned when the leg was finally out of her contact.

‘Wait!’ Tobin suddenly holds up her hand, running back into the room when they were ready to head out and comes back a second later, joining the two to the car, driving to the supermarket nearby, her hand with a little ink spilled on her thumb.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen wakes up a while later, disoriented, as she finds herself wrapped in her blankets, which now had a newly infused lavender smell. She opens her eyes, finding the darkening sky outside her window, shadows draping her bedroom as she peeks at her clock. **6.46pm.** _That’s late._

She pulls at her blanket, turning to the side of the bed where it was empty. _It wasn’t some dream I made up right? Like some cruel dream my body made as my birthday present or something._

Then she spots a small note by the side of her bedside table, hastily scrawled, as if the person was in a rush.

**_Hey Chris,_ **

****

**_Hope you slept well. We went to get dinner._ **

****

**_Love you._ **

****

**_Tobin._ **

Her heart clenched, seeing the name written at the bottom.

_It wasn’t a dream._

And when Tobin and the two came back with bags of boxed pizzas, and a packet of chocolate chip cookies from her favorite Swedish bakery, Christen’s smile couldn’t have spread wider.

_She remembers._ She remembers telling Tobin about the best cookies ever when she was in Sweden in her year after graduation and then two years before, but she never thought that she’ll remember.

When the four of them sat, biting into those dripping cheesy vegan pizzas, sipping into cheap beers that left bitter tastes on their mouth and chewing onto the outrageously melty and crunchy and chewy cookies, of a perfect blend of chocolate and sugar, Christen looks at her friends, the two that came all the way to make sure she was okay, to celebrate Christmas with her.

And then Tobin. The person that broke her heart so many times in the period of six years, unknowingly. The person that she made the happiest memories with, through childhood and even adulthood. The person that supported her through her soccer career, raising both of their dreams together. The person that she looked forward to seeing and talking to every day. The person that came all the way to Sweden, to her house, to find her. The person, that professed her feelings, the feelings that Christen kept inside for those six years. The person that is currently holding onto her hand so tight, as if she was afraid she was going to lose her.

Her girlfriend.

These two words, was something that she never knew could make her so happy.

As she takes a bite into her pizza crust, which Tobin cheekily slides in to take a bite at the other end, she smiles and they look at each both know of what they just did for each other, finally, the fate they were created for, finally clicking into place.

They beamed at each other, for a second too long, because Kelley flicks a cookie their way and they laugh, before Christen glared at Kelley pointing at the mess she made on the floor and Kelley quickly hides behind Emily, who rolls her eyes.

But she smiles, a true smile, when Tobin stands up, knocking Kelley’s head who knocks her back as she walks to the bathroom, grabbing towels to clean up the mess.

‘ _Idiots_.’

Christen muttered, looking at the bickering pair as Tobin tells Kelley to clean up, but she still has this uncontrollable urge to smile, her heart beating wildly since the morning and she knows, for the first time in a while, that she was _finally_ happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look up #preath on spotify, i made a playlist that i listen to when im writing!  
> find me @danipreathtrash n tumblr to pester for updates:)  
> im thinking of writing a sequel/prequel on their little dates/past events in childhood but we'll see!  
> have a good day!


	9. finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
> first of all i just really want to thank everyone here for the never-ending support since the beginning.  
> This might've ended, but it's only the start! This inspired me to continue writing, allowing my writing to just flow naturally, no longer to the fixed kind of plots i used to put myself into.  
> If there's any requests for this work/au, or on new fics, just suggest! I'll probably write some spin-offs from this world, on their childhood/sequels  
> thank you for tolerating my writing for the past few chapters:-)
> 
> & enjoy the last chapter! this is where there is rating;-)...tell me what you think!  
> [i'm actually kind of sad about this ending...]

‘Lex?’

Christen slowly moves to the kitchen of her friend’s apartment, after opening the unlocked door on her own. She sat, on the stool to the counter, typing on her computer.

‘Chris! You’re back!’ Alex looks up, shocked at first that her friend is back, but quickly takes her airpods off, getting off her stool. She raises her hands wide for a hug and Christen obliges, moving towards her.

Alex was the first to move away, smiling, as she moves to look at Christen’s left hand, her hand touching the cartier ring.

‘Happiness looks good on you.’

Christen looks straight at her blue-eyed friend, not knowing what to say. And Alex knows, she knows that _she knows_ , and she grins.

‘I’m okay. Really.’

Christen looks at her, not missing the woman’s diverting eyes, her shifting figure, her moving hands. She grabs at the hands of her best confidante of the past few years, the one that came over whenever she knew she needed help, the one that knew of the truth first, the one that pushed for her blossoming love. She grips it tight, looking at her.

‘Talk to me.’

Alex moved, her hands opening her airpods case, slipping the two white commas inside, clasping the circular-edged square shut.

‘Christen. Look. I’ve been here for these past six years, even some time before. I was friends with Tobin before you and… I’ve seen you both since the start. I don’t know when my feelings started to grow, maybe it was when Servando started to drift, from our long-distances, but I know… I know I love you, but as a friend, now. Just…don’t worry, okay? I’m the same old Alex. Don’t pity me, don’t treat me any different just because of this, because I’ll hate you.’ Alex glares at her at this and Christen smiled a little, tears already beginning to flow. ‘I’ll continue being your friend. Don’t ever worry about me suddenly disappearing. We will still have our random spa sessions, those gold mask trades, wine tasting and movie and ice cream nights.’

‘I’ll never…ever think Tobin will treat you badly, knowing her since youth camp days. Honestly all she could talk was… you, now that I think back, it’s a wonder how she never knew. My two best…bestest friends, the two most genuine, kind-hearted people finally coming together, there’s no…no better thing.’

‘I’ll always be here. I made her come to you, she was made for you, like you were for her.’ Alex grips Christen’s hands, her friend already a mess, her face covered with tears as she chokes, trying to keep it in. ‘Fucking stop it Press if you cry I’ll cry.’ Alex sputters, pursing her lips, tight.

‘But… LEX… no…’ Christen blurts, coughing, shaking her head vigorously.

Alex looks at her friend’s tear-striken grey eyes, and shakes her head. ‘You deserve your happiness… Servando is coming back to LA …and…and we’re going to make it work. We just went on a date yesterday, it’s the same old…surprisingly. It’s been some time, but we had an easy conversation and it seemed like he still remembered my favorites. He got me flowers and a truffle meal. You know how I am with truffle. He’s going to do more and I…I still love him.’

‘It’s true?’ Christen glances at her and then realizes a shuffle in the door beside them, and then her eyes widen. Alex laughs, while wiping at her tears. _He’s inside…_

‘Lex! Thank god I came later!’ Christen shakes her head, in which Alex winks back, both of them sharing a comfortable smile.

The two friends stand there, looking at each other as Christen wipes away her tears, smiling wide, though laughing a little at the predecament they were in. Alex nods affirmingly, as she continues holding onto her hands. ‘I’ll be okay. Okay! Enough! Tomorrow you’re heading back to our Hamm household right?’

Christen nods, the nickname of the LAFC stadium just making her look forward to her long-missed training sessions with her good friends.

‘You know I love you right?’ Christen glances at her friend, who was still looking at her, sporting a grin.

‘I know Chrissy. Always. This. Won’t. Change. Okay?’ She raises her hand up, referring to their little butt shake they made.

As Christen jerks her hip at Alex’s side, smiling, looking at her friend gratefully.

‘Thank you Lex.’

Alex looks back, and nods. She doesn’t feel anything, her heart long numb and healed, after seeing the photos and texts that Kelley sent her of the new couple, finally happy and reunited, in the way they were meant to be. She thinks back of the Tobin she became friends with at age 15 at the first youth camp she went to, the one that came forward to make friends with her lonely ass, and made sure to include her in every activity, helping her through her collegiate soccer. Then, she thinks about Christen, this sweet angel that she met only at the U-23 camp, who she thought at first as a rival, then came to be the person that worked with her after trainings, on endless drills, improving their skill sets, then coming to LAFC together, going on weekly outings and enjoying endless laughs with the team. These two, the ones that helped her through her life and she can’t be more grateful and so, so much more content, that they are finally, finally, getting the love they deserved, longed for.

So when she walks into her room after Christen left, and sees her husband, who opened an eye, beaming at her, reaching towards her, she gives him a kiss, feeling a sense of fulfilment.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Chris?’ Christen slowly opens her still closed eyes, blinking at the naked figure lying beside her, Tobin perched on her elbow, crossed legs, as she looked at Christen with a smirk. Christen moved over, missing Tobin’s heat, slinging her bare thigh over Tobin’s and buried her head between Tobin’s neck and shoulder, breathing in her lavender scent. ‘hmm?’

‘Nothing.’ Tobin takes a few seconds, as if she hesitated but eventually gives into clinging back to Christen.

‘What? Tell me.’ Christen feels Tobin’s mouth quirk up to a smile, before shaking her head. ‘Nah… I’d rather lie here with you than going for a walk.’

‘A walk?’

‘Yeah. Like just strolling and holding hands… but I’d rather do this.’Christen turned her head up, meeting Tobin’s eyes, right when she felt her girlfriend go on and touch her butt.

‘Right… just for my butt. Only?’ Christen teases, now with a glint in her eye as she brings her hand down Tobin’s left arm, producing tingles down the other girl’s spine.

‘And this…’ Tobin murmurs, her eyes dark as like just a few hours ago, as her other hand travels up to palm Christen’s left boob, her fingers flicking the nipple.

‘Ahuh…’ Christen continues, smiling, as her other hand travels up Tobin’s side, flicking at Tobin’s right brown dime, already peaked.

‘And this…’ Tobin was right about to bring her hand to Christen’s inner thigh when Christen jumped off the bed, raising her arms. ‘ALRIGHT BABE! LET’S GO TAKE A WALK!’ She quickly moves to the toilet, closing I behind her as she grabbed a loose t-shirt from her drawer.

‘CHRIS! YOU AREN’T GETTING AWAY WITH THIS!’ Tobin sits, flustered as she feels the growing need between her legs, rushing up towards the toilet, hammering on the door, a small smile at her lips at her girlfriend’s antics though.

‘You can try!’ Tobin can imagine Christen’s self-satisfied smirk within and rolls her eyes at that. _Lol and she doesn’t know that I know her toilet door lock is spoilt._

‘Oh yeah?’ Tobin smirks, clicking open the door as she opens to a shocked Christen, who was half-putting on the UNC shirt, still bottomless. Tobin scoops her up, and brings her back onto bed, with a toothbrush still stuck between her girlfriend’s teeth. ‘As much as I like you repping my alma mater, this gotta go.’ Tobin flings the shirt right off her girlfriend, who was squirming but laughing. ‘TOBS it’s so tICKLISH!’ Tobin slowly kisses up Christen, from her thigh, her belly button, licking her nipples before coming up to kiss Christen on her lips.

Christen laughs, throwing her half-used toothbrush aside as she kisses Tobin again. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Tobin looks back at her adoringly, smirking, as she continues, bringing Christen down on her back. ‘The walk will be for a little while later, okay?’

‘Well…if this happens every time you suggest one then…’ Christen smirks, unable to continue her teasing as she feels the undeniable need for her girlfriend as well, watching, as she heads right down to her destination.

_Totally wouldn’t have expected this three months ago. And it’s the best surprise ever._

Especially when she comes just in those few seconds of vigorous licks of Tobin’s tongue. _Yea, out of this world._

Christen does it back a few blackouts later, both of them lying back, cuddled in bed for a while, before Tobin drags Christen up, dressing them both up in shirt and sweatpants before heading out, for an actual walk.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kelley and Alex pretends to not know about the situation between their two best friends during the camp they get called up to a week later.

But it’s hard. Especially when it’s them.

They’re constantly pressed against each other during bus rides and meals, in a way one might think they got coated with superglue.

They room together, always coming down right on time, which was unlike Christen, who was usually the first one in the dining room.

And when Tobin comes down with Christen’s slippers on for a short errand of coffee, Alex and Kelley couldn’t help them anymore.

Everyone knew something was different.

But they keep quiet though, because they know that they will tell them if they want to.

They’re good friends.

Mal got slapped by Alex before a word got slipped out, when the older girl spotted the younger girl’s eyes widen at Tobin feeding Christen a scoop of avocado.

Kelley drags Megan away before the bright-pink figure could get to the two girls, where Christen was currently engrossed in a retelling of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone by Tobin, sitting side by side on the team couch.

Emily actually stops her gang, Lindsey, Rose and Sam from going over to Tobin and Christen whom they passed, at a coffee shop, sharing a cup of latte together.

But when Tobin leaned over to kiss Christen’s cheek subtlely on one of their movie nights, Allie couldn’t be stopped. She was yelling before Alex could clasp her hand over the blonde’s face. ‘AW! AW! TOBS AND PRESSY! YOU GUYS!’

Tobin and Christen both looked up flustered but were both smiling, so so widely. ‘YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER?’ An entire flow of questions and yelling and scrambling went around and Alex and Kelley looked at each other, before rising and grabbing their two friends out of the room, evacuating them.

Alex then moves back into the room where most of the players were waiting for a remark, except for Becky and Alyssa who were just chilling at the side, rolling their eyes because they already know. ‘Guys. They’ve been together since like forever.’ Becky remarks, which surprised Alex entirely. ‘WHAT? NO! BUT WHY?’

‘All the subtle looks and touching? But lately they definitely intensified.’ Alyssa adds, which Becky nods to.

_Of course it’ll be the both of them to crack the code._

The rest of the team now turned to Becky and Alyssa, eager to get the puzzle in their heads sorted out, as the two actual main characters of the situation were slowly making their way upstairs to their hotel room, ready for a movie night on their own, in which Tobin already opened her Netflix account to. ‘ _Hard chillin’._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, it’s a wedding again. At the same exact wedding hall that Christen went to about four months ago. But it’s totally different.

She had Tobin with her now, no longer worrying about her being seen as too overbearing to the girl standing beside her, that is now her girlfriend. They’re holding hands, both decked in beautiful pastel dresses as they await their friends to come out to the altar.

Alex and Servando had decided to re-declare their union with each other, after Servando, on a romantic dinner date on the cruise with Alex decided to re-propose, promising Alex a better companionship and wishing for Alex’s forgiveness. He has definitely been more active in showing his love to Alex, bringing her flowers every other week, or just being present at home, no longer staying at the club suite on weekends, flying back to meet Alex every other week.

Christen’s happy that Alex is finally receiving the treatment she deserved, the one she missed for a few years in the shaky years of her husband’s soccer career. Now Servando finally knew what was important, remembered who was always with him through his journey. It took some time, but they were on the same track again.

The entire team stands before them, with Alex and Servando’s close group of relatives, as they slipped their rings onto their left fingers for the second time in their lives. Christen was the one who shouted the loudest as Alex kissed Servando, both looking at each other with oogly eyes.

That was when Tobin felt tears down her cheek, looking over at Christen, grasping their entwined hands tighter. ‘I love you, Chris.’

Christen looked at this brown-eyed girl of hers. Hers. _Hers._

_Like fucking finally. After those long years of unrequitedness, of seeing her with Rena, or being far away from her without having a reason to say that she missed her, or that she wanted to be with her._ Now she did.

They’re now each other’s home, where there was no other place both of them would rather be at. No one else, no place else.

‘I love you.’ Christen murmurs back and captures Tobin’s lips in hers, this once, and to many more, infinitely, until the end of their lives.

Because her love is no longer unrequited.

And although they totally wasted so much time not telling each other their feelings, because they were so dumb with their own feelings, they still eventually finally came together.

And they know they’re lucky.

Very lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @danipreathtrash on tumblr! my inbox is hella open for asks/dms!  
> thank you for supporting me on this work. I'm super grateful. <3 to the 200+ of you who gave me kudos:-) & the various people who always commented, pushing me to continue.  
> I LOVE EVERYBODY!  
> #tctrash


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